Friends, I am at the end of my deployment story. No happy ending here, although not as tragic as some. Our relationship has ended with a whimper, not a bang. I suppose I can be grateful for that.
I wanted to write one last post, partially to publish a tidy "wrap-up," which seems much more considerate to a reader than simply abandoning the blog. But I feel I have something to add to what I've already said about the nature of a deployment, and the feelings that go along with it.
In an earlier post I wrote about the distance I was feeling, how the lack of communication made it feel as if the relationship did not exist in a present sense - like a movie left on pause, eventually the machine gets tired of waiting and shuts itself off to save energy. I always felt that when Adam came home I would be able to push that power button, and we would remember exactly where we left off (give or take some adjustment).
Before he left home, Adam and I had discussed marriage. We went so far as to pick out a ring together. But he was very insistent that we wait until after the deployment even for an engagement - apparently there is rampant post-nuptial regret among newly deployed soldiers and their brides, and divorce is common.
That's a lot of pressure to think about coming home to, the expectation of a proposal, when you've been gone over half a year. When you can't remember exactly how your girlfriend looks, or what she smells like. Growth and change, distorted memories, enormous pressure, the feeling of distance and alienation... I think I understand perfectly why this happened. I was committed to allowing space for Adam to operate as necessary to get through the deployment, and the space he needed could not get big enough as long as I was waiting at home.
So I'm moving out. Probably away from this city, perhaps back home for a while. I have never been though a breakup like this before, long distance, when he has already been gone for months. I have gotten used to being alone, used to not getting letters every day, and used to rarely hearing his voice. Now that it suddenly seems that this will be a permanent separation, things feel oddly the same in many ways. I am still in the apartment, everything looks the same. My time is spent in mostly the same activities. But there are moments when my heart suddenly tightens, and feels as if one chamber suddenly contained too much blood.
I was drinking a bottle of particular brand of tea today, where on the inside of the label the manufacturers like to print words of wisdom. Mine said: "We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned to have the life that is waiting for us." (E.M. Forster). I suppose, not knowing what is waiting for us, that can go either way, but it feels hopeful to me.
I hope you all have enjoyed reading my blog as much as I have enjoyed writing for you.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Equilibrium
Walking seems like a really hard thing to learn. The whole movement of it, you have to kick one leg out in front of you and shift your body weight forward, getting your second leg ready and heaving it forward... falling and catching yourself in a smooth motion, propelling yourself from one place to the next. Next you have to train yourself to anticipate cracks in the sidewalk, rough edges on tables, animals that will stop moving directly under the path of your foot. One day you will be eating pizza and listening to your headphones, stopping at the crosswalk to barely look before dashing across between the moving cars.
My life is kind of like learning to walk right now. The deployment should be winding down, but suddenly it feels like it's barely halfway over. The job is almost entirely amazing, except that working seems to grind down my patience, leaving me fuming. Were there this many jerks in the world before I had a job? It didn't feel like it. These are the big two, my right leg and my left leg.
I sometimes feel sorry for babies, because they have so much work and painful growing to accomplish before they can enjoy much of the happiness offered by this world. Right now I feel like I have a long way to go myself.
My life is kind of like learning to walk right now. The deployment should be winding down, but suddenly it feels like it's barely halfway over. The job is almost entirely amazing, except that working seems to grind down my patience, leaving me fuming. Were there this many jerks in the world before I had a job? It didn't feel like it. These are the big two, my right leg and my left leg.
I sometimes feel sorry for babies, because they have so much work and painful growing to accomplish before they can enjoy much of the happiness offered by this world. Right now I feel like I have a long way to go myself.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A few of my least favorite things
After finishing my 7 day work week last week on Sunday night at 8 pm, with 92 hours on my paystub, I was feeling pretty darn pleased with myself. On Monday I woke up (too early) for a dentists appointment, but treated myself to some special groceries including some amazing cheese (epoisse) and wine (Layer Cake). I then spent the afternoon napping before attending a reception for new attorneys here (I'm already admitted in my home state). Not feeling content to sit at home with my trophies, I then took myself out for some good old fashioned karaoke.
Fast forwarding through the next day (which sometimes needs to happen after a good night of karaoke), I found out that the company wanted to hire me back for another project... which started today! So yes, I am re-hired and life is feeling pretty good.
Well, except that my bike got stolen, and Adam just let me know his deployment would probably be a month longer than we thought. Not to trivialize anything, but my thai take-out place overcharged me by $20 last night too. So I'm feeing kind of grumpy overall. I tried to watch a nature documentary to cheer up, but couldn't take the killer whales eating the cute sea lions, or the sea gulls swooping to pick up the tiny, newborn sea turtles. Apparently life stinks and everyone takes whatever they can get away with, including eating up helpless, adorable baby creatures!
Things happen in threes, they say. I suppose I had a karmic debt after landing that job last week, which has now seemingly broken the employment barrier I had been facing. I'm hoping and praying that maybe life and I have reestablished the balance of nature, and soon we'll be on a slightly more even keel. For now, I'm just not going to watch any more Blue Planet.
Fast forwarding through the next day (which sometimes needs to happen after a good night of karaoke), I found out that the company wanted to hire me back for another project... which started today! So yes, I am re-hired and life is feeling pretty good.
Well, except that my bike got stolen, and Adam just let me know his deployment would probably be a month longer than we thought. Not to trivialize anything, but my thai take-out place overcharged me by $20 last night too. So I'm feeing kind of grumpy overall. I tried to watch a nature documentary to cheer up, but couldn't take the killer whales eating the cute sea lions, or the sea gulls swooping to pick up the tiny, newborn sea turtles. Apparently life stinks and everyone takes whatever they can get away with, including eating up helpless, adorable baby creatures!
Things happen in threes, they say. I suppose I had a karmic debt after landing that job last week, which has now seemingly broken the employment barrier I had been facing. I'm hoping and praying that maybe life and I have reestablished the balance of nature, and soon we'll be on a slightly more even keel. For now, I'm just not going to watch any more Blue Planet.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Whew!
The new job... whew! I have to say, they told me to expect long hours. I did not expect 8 am to 10 pm. Add in the commute, I'm gone 15 and a half hours per day! These poor dogs, I have the dog walker coming twice per day. Truthfully, they don't seem to mind. I'm glad they have each other to hang out with.
It's amazing, in the 40 minutes I've been at home browsing the internet I've hit all my favorite sites and read all the articles I care to read... so how was I spending all that time in the house? I can tell it wasn't spent cleaning it!
It feels great to be out, earning a pay check. Can't wait to see that! I have an invitation to join my cousin in Florida afterwards... think I might have to take advantage of that offer. Right now I think I will go take advantage of the horizontal opportunities presented in the domicilliary dimension.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Ch-ch-changes
No, I'm not a stutterer. {I did enjoy The King's Speech quite a bit. I also dated a stutterer in college.} No, I'm referencing an old David Bowie song. It's a bad habit of mine to randomly break into song when a phrase pops into my head that triggers some musical reaction in my brain. Today's theme is CHANGES.
First, Benji is gone from the house, as you may have noticed I am no longer ranting about him. Yes, I wish I could have done more. But it was not healthy for either of us, and ultimately I didn't think I could do any more than I did. It's sad, I hate to think of him being put down. But many, many dogs are put down every year that don't have the behavioral problems that he did.
Well, we did take in my parents dog Shadow while they went on vacation. Max and Shadow are really good friends, and other than having to treat the eye infection she came down with, it's been just a pleasure to have the company for Max.
My new job starts tomorrow, which is why I should keep this post short and get some sleep. I'm excited and nervous, so keep your fingers crossed. I really hope this job works out, it could lead to some other well-paid and flexible employment in the future.
My brother sent me flowers last week, to congratulate me on this new job, and then Adam sent flowers on Saturday... so my house is abloom with tulips and other spring delicacies. I just hope the dogs don't nibble on them while I'm away.
No great insights this week into deployment or other life events, just hoping April flies by in work so I can have a little money in the bank for when Adam gets back.
First, Benji is gone from the house, as you may have noticed I am no longer ranting about him. Yes, I wish I could have done more. But it was not healthy for either of us, and ultimately I didn't think I could do any more than I did. It's sad, I hate to think of him being put down. But many, many dogs are put down every year that don't have the behavioral problems that he did.
Well, we did take in my parents dog Shadow while they went on vacation. Max and Shadow are really good friends, and other than having to treat the eye infection she came down with, it's been just a pleasure to have the company for Max.
My new job starts tomorrow, which is why I should keep this post short and get some sleep. I'm excited and nervous, so keep your fingers crossed. I really hope this job works out, it could lead to some other well-paid and flexible employment in the future.
My brother sent me flowers last week, to congratulate me on this new job, and then Adam sent flowers on Saturday... so my house is abloom with tulips and other spring delicacies. I just hope the dogs don't nibble on them while I'm away.
No great insights this week into deployment or other life events, just hoping April flies by in work so I can have a little money in the bank for when Adam gets back.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Lagging
Yes, I am falling behind in posting regular updates. Never have been able to keep any kind of journal consistently. Oh well, the last thing I need is to put pressure on myself to continue doing what should be fun and come naturally. So accept my apologies if you've been waiting impatiently for my next post.
Spring is here, and with it I have 1000% times more energy and drive to get up and get things done, all of which has led to me being relatively busy and productive. Last week I was offered a job, finally. It feels amazing to know that on Wednesday there is a desk for me and I will be there at 9 a.m. in a cute new business-casual outfit, ready to start sorting and labeling data. Maybe you sense sarcasm... but no! While I have heard horrible things about this type of job (mostly from people kvetching on the internet), I harbor hopes that somehow maybe I am more constitutionally suited to the work. Then again, I often discover that I am far more normal than I've been given credit for. In any case, I'm motivated. If anything can get me excited it certainly will be having those checks start to pile up in my bank account. It's been far too long since I had anything piling up except bills and the shame of financial dependency.
In other news, Adam managed to reinstate the car insurance from overseas. No easy task, coordinating the paperwork when you are unmarried, living together, with no co-ownership of assets. Power of attorney was given to one of his family members, but fortunately we escaped having to use it. I have to say, if I had known more about what deployment would be like I think I would have pushed harder to get married beforehand. I think a lot of things would have just been easier to deal with, and it would have provided us with benefits we don't currently enjoy (like my health insurance, see under "lack thereof").
Well, we are definitely on the uphill side of the second half of deployment. Adam has never felt farther away. There's really not much he can do about it either, well, not without sacrificing his health so he can spend more time chit chatting with me. Obviously I don't want that. It's only that it feels hard to remember what our relationship was like when we were together. I remember being happy, having fun, being excited to see him, I know that I love him and that I want to be with him... it's just that feeling of the relationship is not actually here right now. I suppose that's normal when you don't get to talk to someone anymore, it just frightens me that maybe the feeling won't come back when he does. I've read that it takes work to re-establish the connection when your soldier returns, that's probably what they are talking about.
Spring is here, and with it I have 1000% times more energy and drive to get up and get things done, all of which has led to me being relatively busy and productive. Last week I was offered a job, finally. It feels amazing to know that on Wednesday there is a desk for me and I will be there at 9 a.m. in a cute new business-casual outfit, ready to start sorting and labeling data. Maybe you sense sarcasm... but no! While I have heard horrible things about this type of job (mostly from people kvetching on the internet), I harbor hopes that somehow maybe I am more constitutionally suited to the work. Then again, I often discover that I am far more normal than I've been given credit for. In any case, I'm motivated. If anything can get me excited it certainly will be having those checks start to pile up in my bank account. It's been far too long since I had anything piling up except bills and the shame of financial dependency.
In other news, Adam managed to reinstate the car insurance from overseas. No easy task, coordinating the paperwork when you are unmarried, living together, with no co-ownership of assets. Power of attorney was given to one of his family members, but fortunately we escaped having to use it. I have to say, if I had known more about what deployment would be like I think I would have pushed harder to get married beforehand. I think a lot of things would have just been easier to deal with, and it would have provided us with benefits we don't currently enjoy (like my health insurance, see under "lack thereof").
Well, we are definitely on the uphill side of the second half of deployment. Adam has never felt farther away. There's really not much he can do about it either, well, not without sacrificing his health so he can spend more time chit chatting with me. Obviously I don't want that. It's only that it feels hard to remember what our relationship was like when we were together. I remember being happy, having fun, being excited to see him, I know that I love him and that I want to be with him... it's just that feeling of the relationship is not actually here right now. I suppose that's normal when you don't get to talk to someone anymore, it just frightens me that maybe the feeling won't come back when he does. I've read that it takes work to re-establish the connection when your soldier returns, that's probably what they are talking about.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Spring!
Today is the official start of spring, although it's been creeping up on us over the last couple weeks. Daffodils are opening up all over town, there are buds on the trees, a few days ago it was warm enough for me to comfortably wear a tank top to the park with Max. Every year I seem to come down with seasonal affective disorder, I feel so sluggish and depressed. When spring comes back around I get the mojo to tackle major projects (like cleaning the house of all its winter accumulation). Last week I tackled the laundry monster that was swallowing the bedroom. Threw out the homemade antibiotics from the fridge. There's still a lot to be done... for some reason the harder I clean, the less routine tidying I do, which means more big messes in a matter of a few days. Two steps forward....
I've also been going to the gym a lot more regularly, which feels a lot like spring cleaning. They remodeled the women's locker room and added a dry sauna, which is so inviting. I had a big stack of unread magazines, so I've been whittling down that pile by reading them at the gym and leaving them there when I'm done. I've lost about five pounds, which is great, mainly I like how my clothes are fitting better.
I pulled out a quilt I finished piecing last year, but had only gotten about 1/8 of the actual quilting done. I hung it up in the apartment (I tied two ski poles together to hang it from, and then hung the pole from the loft) and have been working on it a little bit each day. It's a bug and butterfly themed picnic blanket, mainly in blue and yellow. Now that the weather is getting so nice it will be nice to have the blanket finished. We used it a few times last year, at the 4th of July, and when we went to see the live performance of A Prairie Home Companion, but I didn't want to use it very much until it could go in the washing machine.
So, all in all, productivity is up, morale is up, sanitation is improving... all good things. I did get a little sad when I was tidying up, smelling Adam's shirts. I picked up one of his berets and I got a little teared up. I'm just trying to channel everything into health and productivity, and trusting that will help me get through the next couple months.
I've also been going to the gym a lot more regularly, which feels a lot like spring cleaning. They remodeled the women's locker room and added a dry sauna, which is so inviting. I had a big stack of unread magazines, so I've been whittling down that pile by reading them at the gym and leaving them there when I'm done. I've lost about five pounds, which is great, mainly I like how my clothes are fitting better.
I pulled out a quilt I finished piecing last year, but had only gotten about 1/8 of the actual quilting done. I hung it up in the apartment (I tied two ski poles together to hang it from, and then hung the pole from the loft) and have been working on it a little bit each day. It's a bug and butterfly themed picnic blanket, mainly in blue and yellow. Now that the weather is getting so nice it will be nice to have the blanket finished. We used it a few times last year, at the 4th of July, and when we went to see the live performance of A Prairie Home Companion, but I didn't want to use it very much until it could go in the washing machine.
So, all in all, productivity is up, morale is up, sanitation is improving... all good things. I did get a little sad when I was tidying up, smelling Adam's shirts. I picked up one of his berets and I got a little teared up. I'm just trying to channel everything into health and productivity, and trusting that will help me get through the next couple months.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Two Birds
Adam and I have lived together for a little over a year (not counting the months he's been gone). Recently I started volunteering for the condo association, to help with the landscaping of the property. I also went to a meeting tonight to talk about adding a community bike room and some dumpsters out back. Right now we have to keep our bikes in the living room, and trash has to be dropped out in front of the building 6:30-8:30 am, no Sunday collection, recycling* on Thursday. It's just annoying, I took the trash out yesterday at 8:27, and missed the collectors. I had to keep the bag inside for 24 hours... stinky. The bikes take up a lot of room, and have to be carried up and down the stairs. I've also never lived anywhere that didn't have a dumpster, or trash cans that get dragged to the curb. It's crazy to me that we put bags outside, right on the sidewalk, and we don't get any kind of bins (no recycling bins either). The condo is already power-plant adjacent, I think maybe we should be trying a little harder on some of these quality of life issues -- especially the ones that are inexpensive to address.
Meanwhile, I asked about the ducts for venting the dryer. Turns out it is not the responsibility of the condo association to clean them out, so I have a handyman coming to do it tomorrow. After he removes the stacked unit from the closet I can get some good measurements from the inside, and maybe he can also give me some advice about which new units might fit.
*I don't know if I really believe that our recycling is really being recycled, especially since we've never gotten any instructions on sorting, bagging, tying up, or any of that.
Meanwhile, I asked about the ducts for venting the dryer. Turns out it is not the responsibility of the condo association to clean them out, so I have a handyman coming to do it tomorrow. After he removes the stacked unit from the closet I can get some good measurements from the inside, and maybe he can also give me some advice about which new units might fit.
*I don't know if I really believe that our recycling is really being recycled, especially since we've never gotten any instructions on sorting, bagging, tying up, or any of that.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Dimension Drama
A few months ago, before I started this blog, Adam and I bought a table. A beautiful, carved, solid walnut table with elegant turned legs with leaf-shaped scrolls and six coordinating chairs in a lovely modern looking striped green and blue velvet. I found it on Craigslist because Adam's oak pub table was just too small to host more than two people for dinner, and too high for comfortable sitting.
I measured the dining room, I measured the doorway. I double checked the table's measurements with the seller. Yup, the table was 29.5 inches high, the doorway was 30 inches wide... no problem, just turn it sideways. Except... I didn't notice that the door wasn't opening 100% of the way, that about an inch of door was still jutting past the edge of the frame when fully open, leaving only 29 inches of usable space.
It took us about a week to get the table inside, a process which included no less than three hired men (one furniture expert and two handymen), attempts to remove both the pins from the hinges and the screws holding the hinges to either the door or it's frame, and the purchase of a new drill. The drill was the final step, it was purchased by me after a professional handyman company quoted me a rate of over $200 just to come look at it. We got the door off by removing the screws from the center (locked pin) hinge on the frame side, and removing the pins from the other two hinges (whose screws were stripped by the previous owners into perfect little circles). While we were working on this problem, the table had to wait in the hallway, and we had to hope we wouldn't be fined.
Fast-forward to today's discussion of washers and dryers. After doing all that research, picking the model we liked, I went back to measure the closet. It's a little hard with the stacked washer-dryer combo already in there, but it looks like the whole closet is only 30" from the back wall to the edge of the door frame where the door hits. The washer we picked is 29 3/4 inches.
I don't think either Adam or I wants a reprise of the incident of the mis-measured door. I think we'd both like some wiggle room (literally, depending on the amount of vibrations). I found another unit that is a couple inches shallower and has almost as much capacity. I'm glad Adam isn't here to have to deal with all of this, this is really what I love and he hates - trying to get the most pleasant home possible, for not too much money, by doing lots of work figuring things out. We may not get a new washer for a while though (until Adam's blood pressure goes back down).
I measured the dining room, I measured the doorway. I double checked the table's measurements with the seller. Yup, the table was 29.5 inches high, the doorway was 30 inches wide... no problem, just turn it sideways. Except... I didn't notice that the door wasn't opening 100% of the way, that about an inch of door was still jutting past the edge of the frame when fully open, leaving only 29 inches of usable space.
It took us about a week to get the table inside, a process which included no less than three hired men (one furniture expert and two handymen), attempts to remove both the pins from the hinges and the screws holding the hinges to either the door or it's frame, and the purchase of a new drill. The drill was the final step, it was purchased by me after a professional handyman company quoted me a rate of over $200 just to come look at it. We got the door off by removing the screws from the center (locked pin) hinge on the frame side, and removing the pins from the other two hinges (whose screws were stripped by the previous owners into perfect little circles). While we were working on this problem, the table had to wait in the hallway, and we had to hope we wouldn't be fined.
Fast-forward to today's discussion of washers and dryers. After doing all that research, picking the model we liked, I went back to measure the closet. It's a little hard with the stacked washer-dryer combo already in there, but it looks like the whole closet is only 30" from the back wall to the edge of the door frame where the door hits. The washer we picked is 29 3/4 inches.
I don't think either Adam or I wants a reprise of the incident of the mis-measured door. I think we'd both like some wiggle room (literally, depending on the amount of vibrations). I found another unit that is a couple inches shallower and has almost as much capacity. I'm glad Adam isn't here to have to deal with all of this, this is really what I love and he hates - trying to get the most pleasant home possible, for not too much money, by doing lots of work figuring things out. We may not get a new washer for a while though (until Adam's blood pressure goes back down).
Monday, March 7, 2011
Adventures in Shopping
It's time for a new washer and dryer set around here, and let me tell you, I am doing more research than I did when I was applying to colleges. This is what I want to know. Deep breath. Okay, every single person buys a washer and a dryer. 99% of everyone buys a set. I mean, unless you are replacing a defunct machine and have sworn never to repurchase that particular model, most people have matching washer/dryers. Not that it's the first thing I look at when I go to someone's house, but typically you see two very similar machines sitting next to each other. Yet Consumer Reports and all of these other ratings websites all review the washer and its matching dryer separately. So the #1 washer is matched with the #47 dryer and vice versa.
Well. Maybe I wouldn't care about the units matching if we had a laundry room, but we have a laundry closet, and those babies have to stack. I'm not quite willing to risk buying an unmatched set and the potential for some unimagined problem with the shapes or dimensions not lining up.
Because we're stacking, we also pretty much have to get front-loading units. There are some single unit washer dryer combos that have a top loading washer on the bottom and then a front loading dryer on the top. That's what we have now. It's really small, and I think it looks awful and cheap. The agitator is hard on the clothes, there's no way to fit blankets, and the basket becomes unbalanced with every load and makes a loud banging sound. I did look into a cool idea which is a washing machine with a built in condensing dryer, that way we could have the whole top of the closet to store laundry items and maybe even extra linens. Then I read the reviews for condensing dryers, and it sounds like they take a really, really long time. Several hours for one load.
Right now it looks like we'll get a top-rated washing machine with the matching mid-low rated dryer. The dryer still scored "very good" or "excellent" on its Consumer Reports performance tests, and the consumers that rated it seemed to like it. Besides, if you have to get one that's higher rated than the other, I think the better washer is the way to go.
Entirely too much thought is being put into this purchase decision. Is this what getting old is? Hours of thinking about washing machines?
Well. Maybe I wouldn't care about the units matching if we had a laundry room, but we have a laundry closet, and those babies have to stack. I'm not quite willing to risk buying an unmatched set and the potential for some unimagined problem with the shapes or dimensions not lining up.
Because we're stacking, we also pretty much have to get front-loading units. There are some single unit washer dryer combos that have a top loading washer on the bottom and then a front loading dryer on the top. That's what we have now. It's really small, and I think it looks awful and cheap. The agitator is hard on the clothes, there's no way to fit blankets, and the basket becomes unbalanced with every load and makes a loud banging sound. I did look into a cool idea which is a washing machine with a built in condensing dryer, that way we could have the whole top of the closet to store laundry items and maybe even extra linens. Then I read the reviews for condensing dryers, and it sounds like they take a really, really long time. Several hours for one load.
Right now it looks like we'll get a top-rated washing machine with the matching mid-low rated dryer. The dryer still scored "very good" or "excellent" on its Consumer Reports performance tests, and the consumers that rated it seemed to like it. Besides, if you have to get one that's higher rated than the other, I think the better washer is the way to go.
Entirely too much thought is being put into this purchase decision. Is this what getting old is? Hours of thinking about washing machines?
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| Option 1 - #3 washer, less expensive, low rated dryer |
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| Option 2 - #1 washer, more expensive, dryer not reviewed, comes in red! |
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Rough Night
This post officially does not count as whining, because my night was actually pretty fun. The fact that just about every single thing went wrong is actually sort of funny.
On the whole it was good. I went to the gym, and then I met a friend for some sushi and a movie. Buuuut...
On the whole it was good. I went to the gym, and then I met a friend for some sushi and a movie. Buuuut...
First I gave Benji a bath, and while I was finishing showering he jumped out of the tub and got his muzzle off. After I dried him off, he decided he didn't like being the amount of wet that he was, and he went craaazy. Seriously, I thought he was going to sink his teeth into my leg. If I wasn't already giving him back next week, I definitely would be after tonight.
After getting ready and dealing with Benji, I missed the bus. I was texting my friend on the way there, and we couldn't decide where to eat. Finally I just said okay that place you suggested, I'll meet you there. I got there and she wasn't there so I called her and she said I don't think we have time for that place meet me at this sushi place, it's right inside the theater. I said I didn't think the theater had any food inside but she said I couldn't miss it. So I quickly walked the five or six blocks from the restaurant I was at to the theater, where, of course... no sushi. So I called her back, and she was at another theater back where I had just come from! Arrrrh. By this time it was 9 and I was starving because I hadn't eaten since lunch and I had gone to the gym. So I ran back and I met her at the sushi place. It was a convayer belt place, and all they have is shrimp and eel (I don't eat those). So I order a la carte. They're also out of almost every single beer. So instead of asking what they don't have I just point to the beer of the guy sitting next to us and I'm like, just make it one of those. It was actually okay, but we don't have time to finish them because our movie is about to start, we leave half full bottles.
So they're sold out of our movie. We decide to see another one, about an hour later. Meanwhile we go for another beer. That part was fine.
I missed the previews waiting for popcorn (I was still a bit hungry). The theater is completely full and we have to sit in the second row, craning our necks. As I'm walking down the aisle to our seats I trip on the rubber strip on the edge of the last step and I fall on my face (my knee actually) and my popcorn and soda go splat. I am able to get up, and I start walking back up the aisle to tell the manager about the spill, and I stumble over the third step and go down again on the same knee. I wasn't tipsy, I think the first fall just sort of dazed me. The manager replaced my snacks and we sat to watch the movie. My friend fell asleep.
I got a cab home because I couldn't deal with walking in my heels and with my banged up knee. When I got home, Max and Benji had somehow opened the cabinet where their treats are, and ate an entire large box of dog treats.
Oh yeah, and I got another prank call tonight just before I got to the sushi place, but I couldn't really hear well because I was on the street. I just hung up on them anyway. I guess I'll call the police tomorrow and make a report, since it's the third time. I don't know if they can do anything, but it's somewhat frightening and definitely upsetting. It's mostly just annoying, how old are we? 12? What kind of passive aggressive jerk makes dumb phone calls to harass someone?
All in all, after watching the Adjustment Bureau I wonder if someone was trying to adjust ME. Well, if that's the case, I could use a bit gentler handling, and would be grateful if you'd be a bit more help before I do something rather than in the middle of me doing it. It really makes me miss Adam to have a very fun but also in some ways sucky night.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Benji
Adam and I were thinking of adopting a friend for Max, to keep him company while we're gone for work. I thought it would be better to adopt an older dog, since Max isn't that fond of puppies, and it would save us the hassles of puppy training.
I found Benji on Petfinder.com, and exchanged some emails with his foster mom. He was so cute, with his little puppy face. She mentioned that he was a handful, and that he has a definite sense of what he will and won't allow. I arranged for Max and me to meet her and Benji in December. Pretty much right away I had a lot of reservations, the biggest one being that Max didn't seem interested in Benji. Right behind that, Lisa mentioned that he had nipped her a few times, and that she kept him on a short leash in the house so that she wouldn't have to put her hand near his face in order to control him. Since Benji is only five and will probably be around for the next ten years (during which I hope to have children) nipping or biting is not acceptable.
I agreed to keep him for a day, see how it went. Benji had been abandoned and then abused, so I was hopeful that he had some issues that he could work out once he felt safe and comfortable. I realized right away that Benji also has a barking problem... inside, outside, basically whenever he senses someone or something he doesn't know.
I really knew that Benji was not right for us after the first day. Between Max's disinterest (I think Benji actually stresses Max out also), the incompatibility with children, and the behavior problems, really there didn't seem to be any aspect of Benji that was right for us. But Benji was stressing Lisa out also, and she had a house full of other foster dogs too, since a local trainer had recently passed away and all of his dogs needed rehoming. I agreed to take him as a foster for a while.
I've had Benji for about six weeks now, and I have seen some improvement. He does seem to like me a lot, although I'm not sure he really sees me as being someone with the right to control him. The barking... well, he doesn't bark at everyone he sees now, it's down to about 30%. He's nipped me twice, never breaking the skin. The citronella anti-bark collar seems to work well, but it's also not working for some reason (gave up?). But it's just getting harder.
Benji wakes me up several times every night, in the middle of the night and in the early morning. Either he hears something he has to growl at, or he decides I have to wake up to snuggle with him. I'm embarrassed when he barks at people we see on walks, and it hurts my ears. Both of our hearts are racing after these incidents, his from the stress of meeting these strangers, and mine from frustration and resentment. Lately Max has started barking at strangers as well, and for me, I think this is where my patience runs out.
Benji is not a bad dog, he's a good dog that has gone through some hard things. He can't trust people to protect him, so he needs to protect himself. The fact that he just wants so much love I think proves he has a good heart. I don't know what will happen to Benji after I send him back to Lisa, and I feel terribly guilty for not having more strength to "hang in there" for him, to rehabilitate him until he can find his forever home. Aside from the patience that it takes to help an abused dog, I think that he needs more training than I can give him. I also don't want to make anything worse by being short-tempered with him or to make him feel less secure or threatened.
I found Benji on Petfinder.com, and exchanged some emails with his foster mom. He was so cute, with his little puppy face. She mentioned that he was a handful, and that he has a definite sense of what he will and won't allow. I arranged for Max and me to meet her and Benji in December. Pretty much right away I had a lot of reservations, the biggest one being that Max didn't seem interested in Benji. Right behind that, Lisa mentioned that he had nipped her a few times, and that she kept him on a short leash in the house so that she wouldn't have to put her hand near his face in order to control him. Since Benji is only five and will probably be around for the next ten years (during which I hope to have children) nipping or biting is not acceptable.
I agreed to keep him for a day, see how it went. Benji had been abandoned and then abused, so I was hopeful that he had some issues that he could work out once he felt safe and comfortable. I realized right away that Benji also has a barking problem... inside, outside, basically whenever he senses someone or something he doesn't know.
I really knew that Benji was not right for us after the first day. Between Max's disinterest (I think Benji actually stresses Max out also), the incompatibility with children, and the behavior problems, really there didn't seem to be any aspect of Benji that was right for us. But Benji was stressing Lisa out also, and she had a house full of other foster dogs too, since a local trainer had recently passed away and all of his dogs needed rehoming. I agreed to take him as a foster for a while.
I've had Benji for about six weeks now, and I have seen some improvement. He does seem to like me a lot, although I'm not sure he really sees me as being someone with the right to control him. The barking... well, he doesn't bark at everyone he sees now, it's down to about 30%. He's nipped me twice, never breaking the skin. The citronella anti-bark collar seems to work well, but it's also not working for some reason (gave up?). But it's just getting harder.
Benji wakes me up several times every night, in the middle of the night and in the early morning. Either he hears something he has to growl at, or he decides I have to wake up to snuggle with him. I'm embarrassed when he barks at people we see on walks, and it hurts my ears. Both of our hearts are racing after these incidents, his from the stress of meeting these strangers, and mine from frustration and resentment. Lately Max has started barking at strangers as well, and for me, I think this is where my patience runs out.
Benji is not a bad dog, he's a good dog that has gone through some hard things. He can't trust people to protect him, so he needs to protect himself. The fact that he just wants so much love I think proves he has a good heart. I don't know what will happen to Benji after I send him back to Lisa, and I feel terribly guilty for not having more strength to "hang in there" for him, to rehabilitate him until he can find his forever home. Aside from the patience that it takes to help an abused dog, I think that he needs more training than I can give him. I also don't want to make anything worse by being short-tempered with him or to make him feel less secure or threatened.
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| Benji - Puppy Face! |
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| Nice antlers |
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Date Night, reprise
Ah Saturday night, we meet again. Friday night is easy, I sometimes go to synagogue, last night I took myself out for dinner at the movies (one local theater serves panini) and then to a jazz club. Two glasses of champagne and I was home just after midnight. For some reason, Saturday night is harder.
I suppose if I was motivated, I could clean the house. I've realllly let it slide with Adam gone. I guess, depending on what your personal standards are. I have a thing about dirt versus mess, so I don't leave dirty dishes around, and I've kept up with vacuuming and wiping out sinks and counters and such. But I've let the papers pile up, and one bed is being used exclusively used for laundry (that is, the laundry that's not on the floor). Adam has a higher standard than I do, but mostly I just work harder at it when he's here because I know it's important to him. Buuuut... the only thing less appealing than sitting around watching TV on a Saturday night is folding laundry or sorting papers.
Next plan... I have got to get a life!
I suppose if I was motivated, I could clean the house. I've realllly let it slide with Adam gone. I guess, depending on what your personal standards are. I have a thing about dirt versus mess, so I don't leave dirty dishes around, and I've kept up with vacuuming and wiping out sinks and counters and such. But I've let the papers pile up, and one bed is being used exclusively used for laundry (that is, the laundry that's not on the floor). Adam has a higher standard than I do, but mostly I just work harder at it when he's here because I know it's important to him. Buuuut... the only thing less appealing than sitting around watching TV on a Saturday night is folding laundry or sorting papers.
Next plan... I have got to get a life!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Onward, Upward, Thruward, et cetera
Sorry for my absence. No, I'm not already losing interest in blogging. My computer cord was accidentally jettisoned on my vacation travels. Which is fine, because I'm done being grumpy, I spared you a few days of whining. Spring is back, and even though the big problems I was thinking about last week are still around, they don't have me quite as paralyzed. Instead, I'm thinking about fun activities for the spring and summer.
First, I definitely want to get back into sailing. I took a basic keelboating class last year, and it's always been a dream to someday to cruise a sailboat around the Mediterranean and around the Caribbean. In order to do that, I have to get more experience. I have no problem with my sea legs, although when I did my two-day class I had a few days of "mal de debarquement" or "land sickness" afterward. It's very interesting to me that I seem to acclimate more easily to being on a boat than to being back on dry land. I hope as I do more sailing I can train my brain to more quickly acclimate between sea and land.
I'm also thinking about hiking and maybe even camping I can do with Max before Adam comes home. Maybe bike the Skyline Drive in Shenandoah. There are bluegrass concerts to go to, rivers to swim in, and new things to learn. I'm back on a positive note, and hoping I can hold it there until Adam comes back to go on these adventures with me.
First, I definitely want to get back into sailing. I took a basic keelboating class last year, and it's always been a dream to someday to cruise a sailboat around the Mediterranean and around the Caribbean. In order to do that, I have to get more experience. I have no problem with my sea legs, although when I did my two-day class I had a few days of "mal de debarquement" or "land sickness" afterward. It's very interesting to me that I seem to acclimate more easily to being on a boat than to being back on dry land. I hope as I do more sailing I can train my brain to more quickly acclimate between sea and land.
I'm also thinking about hiking and maybe even camping I can do with Max before Adam comes home. Maybe bike the Skyline Drive in Shenandoah. There are bluegrass concerts to go to, rivers to swim in, and new things to learn. I'm back on a positive note, and hoping I can hold it there until Adam comes back to go on these adventures with me.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Troubles
I've had several good ideas for blog posts over the last several days while I've been visiting my family, unfortunately I didn't write any of them down so now they are lost. I had one idea for writing an article on how annoyed I get when intelligent seeming 30-somethings misuse words or commit malaproprisms on the internet. It drives me half up a wall to read "there" for "they're" or "their". The confusion of "cite," "site," and "sight" also gets me worked up. I'm not saying that I'm immune. I know I am horrible about placing punctuation, and have been told that I often dangle participles and write in the passive voice. So, okay, I'm not much of a grammarian, and therefore I had better not write an entire post about it. My glass house is too fragile for that. (But notice the use of "too" instead of "to," isn't it nice looking?)
I could write about the trip, which was fun. But I was a bit grumpy being the only "single" person other than my 16 month old niece. I had to sleep in the "leftover" bedroom, since all the couples wanted the rooms with double beds. But I have to put it in perspective; that truly is a "first world problem."
All in all, every post I can think of to write right now is going to come across as grumpy. I am fairly unhappy about the state of the world right now, I guess. Global warming and other environmental problems are keeping me up nights. NPR, my most beloved form of news and entertainment is under financial assault, along with just about every government supported program, organization, or regulation that I consider of vital importance to this country. (Of course, this was the point of the Bush tax cuts from the beginning, remember that phrase "starve the beast"? While they try to defund NPR, Planned Parenthood, the EPA, OSHA, the Forest Service, public education, etc., they still won't repeal the tax cuts for millionaires.) The entire Middle East is overthrowing their respective governments, it seems, and who knows what will come of that. Everything just seems terribly dangerous right now, and the people who seem to be the most effective at promoting change are the ones trying to tear things down. No one trying to rebuild seems to be having a lot of success. Other nations are running ahead of us with clear goals, while we cannot seem to even agree on history, let alone where to take our country in the future. Just sad, sad, sad.
I could write about the trip, which was fun. But I was a bit grumpy being the only "single" person other than my 16 month old niece. I had to sleep in the "leftover" bedroom, since all the couples wanted the rooms with double beds. But I have to put it in perspective; that truly is a "first world problem."
All in all, every post I can think of to write right now is going to come across as grumpy. I am fairly unhappy about the state of the world right now, I guess. Global warming and other environmental problems are keeping me up nights. NPR, my most beloved form of news and entertainment is under financial assault, along with just about every government supported program, organization, or regulation that I consider of vital importance to this country. (Of course, this was the point of the Bush tax cuts from the beginning, remember that phrase "starve the beast"? While they try to defund NPR, Planned Parenthood, the EPA, OSHA, the Forest Service, public education, etc., they still won't repeal the tax cuts for millionaires.) The entire Middle East is overthrowing their respective governments, it seems, and who knows what will come of that. Everything just seems terribly dangerous right now, and the people who seem to be the most effective at promoting change are the ones trying to tear things down. No one trying to rebuild seems to be having a lot of success. Other nations are running ahead of us with clear goals, while we cannot seem to even agree on history, let alone where to take our country in the future. Just sad, sad, sad.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Movies
I want to want to go to the movies, I just don't. The movie theater nearby plays only the worst, most commercial films. They didn't play Black Swan, they didn't play the King's Speech, but they do have the new Justin Beiber movie. Ugh...
Netflix streaming has some pretty good movies, so I've been enjoying a lot of those, especially classics from the '40s and '50s... I love the clothes, and ooooh the hair. Everything is just so human... not only the lack of electronic clutter, but the relationships. I love the relative lack of snark and cynicism. Katherine Hepburn has a biting wit, but it's just so clever, and does not have that reflexive, shallow meanness of so much "wit" these days.
I'm not trying to say that I would always rather watch these old movies. There are plenty of new movies (even ones chock full of technology and shallow meanness) that I enjoy. It's just a refreshing change, and Netflix streaming doesn't have a lot of the choicest new movies.
Army Strong
I got flowers from Adam today! Well... not really from Adam. I went over to a friend's house for dinner, and her husband (who is Adam's friend) brought me flowers and chocolate from Adam. Good enough for government work, as they say. I was pretty happy.
It's good to get out of the house. Now that it's warming up a little I want to be outside with the dogs more. Benji, the foster dog, has been driving me a little crazy lately with misbehavior. My family seems to be worried about me fostering, concerned that I'll get attached and want to keep him. I'll tell you what, it's not looking likely tonight. Max was on the couch chewing on a pressed rawhide bone and Benji came up and growled at Max until I took the treat and put it on a high shelf (to prevent a fight), and then Benji sat and cried under the shelf until my head was pounding and I gave in and gave him the bone. I'm such a wimp!
I've been unimpressed with my own strength in other ways lately. Caving in to these winter blues. Whining about deployment. Spending time wallowing in a funk instead of working on job applications, cleaning the house, cooking, or going to the gym. Okay, I've been doing all of those things, but just enough to get by. I need a dose of military discipline around here! I'm gonna have to give it to myself tomorrow, though. Tonight I just need some Excedrin and an early bedtime.
~*~
postscript. I just Googled the phrase "good enough for government work" and discovered that the original meaning was "of a very high quality, passing stringent standards" although the current usage is "barely passing, close enough." Very interesting! I think it shows more about the creep of irony and cynicism than any changes in actual governance, but who knows.
It's good to get out of the house. Now that it's warming up a little I want to be outside with the dogs more. Benji, the foster dog, has been driving me a little crazy lately with misbehavior. My family seems to be worried about me fostering, concerned that I'll get attached and want to keep him. I'll tell you what, it's not looking likely tonight. Max was on the couch chewing on a pressed rawhide bone and Benji came up and growled at Max until I took the treat and put it on a high shelf (to prevent a fight), and then Benji sat and cried under the shelf until my head was pounding and I gave in and gave him the bone. I'm such a wimp!
I've been unimpressed with my own strength in other ways lately. Caving in to these winter blues. Whining about deployment. Spending time wallowing in a funk instead of working on job applications, cleaning the house, cooking, or going to the gym. Okay, I've been doing all of those things, but just enough to get by. I need a dose of military discipline around here! I'm gonna have to give it to myself tomorrow, though. Tonight I just need some Excedrin and an early bedtime.
~*~
postscript. I just Googled the phrase "good enough for government work" and discovered that the original meaning was "of a very high quality, passing stringent standards" although the current usage is "barely passing, close enough." Very interesting! I think it shows more about the creep of irony and cynicism than any changes in actual governance, but who knows.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Ideology
Today I read an article titled "News Flash: The Taliban Violate Human Rights," about how the international human rights community has, for the past ten years, pretty much ignored the many acts of torture and murder and maiming and oppression committed by the Taliban, instead usually focusing its condemnation on US and NATO actions. It really got me thinking about things.
I'm a fairly liberal person. I believe in the existence of a social safety net (including strong public schools), and I believe that the government should have hand in regulating the marketplace for the benefit of the citizens (minimum wage, child labor laws, environmental laws). I support abortion rights and gay rights such as marriage and military service. I would like to see a single payer health care system in the US. On the other hand, I find a lot of liberals to be just as ridiculous as Sarah Palin or Glen Beck. They can't see past their own ideology any more than conservatives can, and can be just as sheep like.
Let's take Wikileaks. Sure... information wants to be free! Government secrecy is always bad! Nevermind how many American allies and their families in Afghanistan will be uncovered and murdered (the Taliban doesn't really do that, anyway). Nevermind how many Americans had to die to collect that strategic intelligence, now worthless (shouldn't have joined the military, bro). Nevermind any of the delicate work done by the State Department in navigating international diplomacy, or whether our standing in the world will be diminished by disinclination of foreign states to expose themselves by speaking freely to us (the U.S. should lose its standing anyway, because what did American hegemony ever do to improve human rights and security around the world? Pax Americana? Is that a new restaurant?). I'm all for whistleblowing. Whistleblowing is an important mechanism that allows our systems to regulate themselves from within. But Wikileaks discloses far too much information far too broadly with far too little justification for the disclosures.
For this, and for all of my moderation, I am regarded as fairly neo-Conservative by many of the liberals that I know. That pisses me off. You really can't see the difference between me and someone who wants to abolish the federal government and privatize ownership of the sun, moon, and sky? Doesn't that further undermine credibility in how accurately you are interpreting the world?
So why did it take this loose organization of international aid workers ten years to realize that the Taliban was committing by far the larger number of human rights violations in Afghanistan? Analysis of that type of institutional bias could probably fill a novel. We've been in Afghanistan for ten years, spent billions of dollars, and lost thousands of American lives trying to win a counterinsurgency by winning hearts and minds. Maybe if the aid community spent more time helping the U.S. military help the Afghan people, and less time spouting condemnation from Kabul, things would move a little faster.
I'm a fairly liberal person. I believe in the existence of a social safety net (including strong public schools), and I believe that the government should have hand in regulating the marketplace for the benefit of the citizens (minimum wage, child labor laws, environmental laws). I support abortion rights and gay rights such as marriage and military service. I would like to see a single payer health care system in the US. On the other hand, I find a lot of liberals to be just as ridiculous as Sarah Palin or Glen Beck. They can't see past their own ideology any more than conservatives can, and can be just as sheep like.
Let's take Wikileaks. Sure... information wants to be free! Government secrecy is always bad! Nevermind how many American allies and their families in Afghanistan will be uncovered and murdered (the Taliban doesn't really do that, anyway). Nevermind how many Americans had to die to collect that strategic intelligence, now worthless (shouldn't have joined the military, bro). Nevermind any of the delicate work done by the State Department in navigating international diplomacy, or whether our standing in the world will be diminished by disinclination of foreign states to expose themselves by speaking freely to us (the U.S. should lose its standing anyway, because what did American hegemony ever do to improve human rights and security around the world? Pax Americana? Is that a new restaurant?). I'm all for whistleblowing. Whistleblowing is an important mechanism that allows our systems to regulate themselves from within. But Wikileaks discloses far too much information far too broadly with far too little justification for the disclosures.
For this, and for all of my moderation, I am regarded as fairly neo-Conservative by many of the liberals that I know. That pisses me off. You really can't see the difference between me and someone who wants to abolish the federal government and privatize ownership of the sun, moon, and sky? Doesn't that further undermine credibility in how accurately you are interpreting the world?
So why did it take this loose organization of international aid workers ten years to realize that the Taliban was committing by far the larger number of human rights violations in Afghanistan? Analysis of that type of institutional bias could probably fill a novel. We've been in Afghanistan for ten years, spent billions of dollars, and lost thousands of American lives trying to win a counterinsurgency by winning hearts and minds. Maybe if the aid community spent more time helping the U.S. military help the Afghan people, and less time spouting condemnation from Kabul, things would move a little faster.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
the Postal Service
Soundtrack: Such Great Heights
~*~
I got a phone call this morning. It wasn't very long, but I'm so whipped by deployment I'm just happy for any calls I get. He hasn't gotten my Valentine's Day present yet, which is annoying, since I sent it two weeks ago. Ah, there is no accounting for the postal service (the Postal Service is a great band, btw). I'm also nervous about the package I sent a few days ago. Adam loves pickles, so I put a jar of pickles in a thick ziploc bag, which I then put inside a thick SmartWool sock, and packed it in the care package. But since I mailed it I've been worried about the jar breaking and leaking pickle juice all over... everything. I'm issuing a prayerful plea to the postal djinn to let this glass jar pass unharmed! I think I will send the next package relatively soon, in case the jar does break and some of the treats are ruined.
I'm watching Pirates of the Caribbean (Curse of the Black Pearl). It is not alleviating my fantasies of a tropical escape, especially the part where Jack and Elizabeth are put ashore on the desert isle with the only the rum (yo ho)! But today was a good day, which does reduce the urge to flee somewhat. I made it to my favorite brunch restaurant in time to hear some of the bluegrass band play, and they had added delicious Belgian waffles to their menu. I went to the gym for an hour, after putting it off for too long. It was also warm today, which was soooo nice. The dogs and I went for a long walk, and I picked up a full shopping bag's worth of trash from along the path. I was sick at seeing so much trash every time I took the dogs out, so I took the initiative and made a big dent. Okay, not my favorite activity, but like the gym, I felt great afterwards. All in all, a good day.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Date Night!
Oh Saturday night, you are my adversary. Sure, I've had a few nights out with the ladies. Last weekend, for example, was 80s night!
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| 80s night! |
Speaking of Valentine's Day, I'm having fantasies that the Army will let Adam come home and surprise me. How fabulous would that be? I usually prefer the authentic, simple, and spontaneous gesture of romance, but that would be a-mazing. Never gonna happen. I have a problem with this type of fantasy though. The improbability makes it more fun and delicious to imagine, although the imagining can only lead to feelings of disappointment.
No, it's the Friday and Saturday nights that are making me blue, not Valentine's Day. Next week will be easy, as I'm going on a ski vacation with my family. Other than that, I welcome suggestions! I have to say, if I was single and bored and lonely, I'd be at the pub in a minute, or out dancing. But I'm not single, I'm just alone. I don't want to get hit on, I'd just like to go out and be social. Something to get dressed for!
Did I really promise not to whine? Hmm... technically I said I would try not to whine. I'm going to give myself a pass on this one though. Saturday night before Valentine's Day? I've earned this one!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Travel
I've been thinking about going to Puerto Rico this spring to get away from all this miserable winter weather and distract me from missing Adam. I sent an email to five of my female friends and relatives trying to find out whether anyone will come with me. I love Puerto Rico, I've been four times. It's the only Caribbean island I've been to, in fact. That made me think. I love this place, but shouldn't there be other places that I explore? Puerto Rico is probably the easiest Caribbean island, with direct flights from Eastern US cities, no currency exchange, no passports required, and little to no language barrier. It has great beaches, great food, lovely people, history, nature, and chirping coqui frogs! But it wouldn't be that much harder to go to the Dominican Republic, or Belize, or Iceland. Maybe it's love, but I'm using valuable vacation resources (time and money) going to the same place over and over.
I was hoping that when Adam gets back from deployment he might look for a job that would allow us both to live overseas for a few years. I've moved around a lot in the last 12 years (7 different states), and I loved exploring and immersing myself in new places. If I could choose where to live for the next 10 years without having to think about the logistics I would want to spend a few years overseas (Europe>Asia>South America>Africa>Middle East), then a few years someplace blissful and tropical (Hawaii maybe?) before settling down somewhere in the southwestern U.S. (anywhere except Phoenix).
Unnnnfortunately, life does not work that way. We pick the careers first, and that dictates where we get to go. That probably means staying where we are, for both Adam and myself. There are probably good things that come from living in one place for more than a couple of years. We can make friends and keep them. If we get married and have children, stability will help them develop and feel secure. The city where we live is not as "outdoorsy" as my dream town, nor is it as laid back as would suit me best. Not a lot of joie de vivre. But it has other things to compensate, such as culture, sophistication, and many interesting people who are the crème de la crème of their professional fields.
Since I've been "an adult" I have moved between states at least every couple years, except during college (4 years in one state, but 4 different apartments) and law school (3 years in in one state, but 3 different apartments). But I also go to the same handful of places every single vacation. I suppose I can learn to do it the other way around.
I was hoping that when Adam gets back from deployment he might look for a job that would allow us both to live overseas for a few years. I've moved around a lot in the last 12 years (7 different states), and I loved exploring and immersing myself in new places. If I could choose where to live for the next 10 years without having to think about the logistics I would want to spend a few years overseas (Europe>Asia>South America>Africa>Middle East), then a few years someplace blissful and tropical (Hawaii maybe?) before settling down somewhere in the southwestern U.S. (anywhere except Phoenix).
Unnnnfortunately, life does not work that way. We pick the careers first, and that dictates where we get to go. That probably means staying where we are, for both Adam and myself. There are probably good things that come from living in one place for more than a couple of years. We can make friends and keep them. If we get married and have children, stability will help them develop and feel secure. The city where we live is not as "outdoorsy" as my dream town, nor is it as laid back as would suit me best. Not a lot of joie de vivre. But it has other things to compensate, such as culture, sophistication, and many interesting people who are the crème de la crème of their professional fields.
Since I've been "an adult" I have moved between states at least every couple years, except during college (4 years in one state, but 4 different apartments) and law school (3 years in in one state, but 3 different apartments). But I also go to the same handful of places every single vacation. I suppose I can learn to do it the other way around.
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| Santorini, Greece |
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| A beach in Thailand |
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Meet Max
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| Max at four months, Oct. '06 |
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| Enjoying sunny Colorado |
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| Hangin' with Shadow (best friends) |
We think that Max might be a Cava-Shell, which is the fancy way of saying a mutt whose parents were a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and a Shetland Sheepdog. I adopted him at two months old from the North Shore Animal League in Long Island. I almost adopted a different dog, but I just had an unsettled feeling so I stopped to think about it. When I turned around, there was Max. Even though he was sleeping, I knew he was the One. I still think God made Max just for me, although I don't know what I did to earn it. He is by far, the Best Dog Ever.
Max loves to sleep on the backs of couches, with his feet sometimes dangling on either side. He loves fetching balls, swimming, and playing with the big dogs. He loves to catch snowballs and water from hoses. He is an extremely "kissy" dog. His best friend is Shadow, my parent's Golden Retriever, who wrestles with him until she gets tired and he stands on her head.
We're thinking of adopting a sibling for Max, so he's not lonely when we're off at work. But now that I'm fostering a dog, I'm realizing that two dogs really is a lot harder than one, if only because there is twice as much dog hair everywhere. We could take the fur off of my comforter and make a third dog. I still think we might do it, but it has to feel right. I'm so glad I followed my instincts that day at the shelter.
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| Sleeping after playing in the snow |
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| Afternoon sunbathing |
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| Max in camo while Adam makes breakfast |
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Communication, or lack thereof
Hands down, the most difficult part of deployment for me is the three or four days I go between every email, the weeks between phone calls, and the Skyping... never. We had gmail chat for a few blissful weeks, but now that's gone too.
The physical separation is just nothing compared to the separation you feel when all you want to do is snuggle up on the phone with him for an hour every night, and all he's able to give is... well, much less than that.
I know from reading other deployment posts around the web that not every deployment is the same in this respect. Some women report (even though there are plenty of men left on the home front they aren't representing on the web) getting phone calls every other day and being allowed to Skype. But the bases our men are operating from are different in operations, regulations, and available facilities. Our guys are doing different jobs. Even the locations of those posts probably influence how much time he can spend chatting with us. I know Adam is working extremely hard, and if I had to choose between him getting enough sleep and calling me for some emotional reassurance, I would want him to choose sleep. He has to take care of himself first, so he can be at his best, so he can come home safely, and then we can take care of each other.
So I promised at the beginning I would try not to whine, and this sounds like a whine. Maybe I can redeem myself with a moral. At least we're not fighting, because we haven't been through a deployment fight yet and I've heard that they are bad news. So for the moral, let's use the old rule of quality over quantity, and being thankful for what we've got, including a wonderful man that I want to talk to in the first place.
The physical separation is just nothing compared to the separation you feel when all you want to do is snuggle up on the phone with him for an hour every night, and all he's able to give is... well, much less than that.
I know from reading other deployment posts around the web that not every deployment is the same in this respect. Some women report (even though there are plenty of men left on the home front they aren't representing on the web) getting phone calls every other day and being allowed to Skype. But the bases our men are operating from are different in operations, regulations, and available facilities. Our guys are doing different jobs. Even the locations of those posts probably influence how much time he can spend chatting with us. I know Adam is working extremely hard, and if I had to choose between him getting enough sleep and calling me for some emotional reassurance, I would want him to choose sleep. He has to take care of himself first, so he can be at his best, so he can come home safely, and then we can take care of each other.
So I promised at the beginning I would try not to whine, and this sounds like a whine. Maybe I can redeem myself with a moral. At least we're not fighting, because we haven't been through a deployment fight yet and I've heard that they are bad news. So for the moral, let's use the old rule of quality over quantity, and being thankful for what we've got, including a wonderful man that I want to talk to in the first place.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Second Time's the Charm
Adam and I started a relationship ten years after our first date.
I don't remember our first meeting, we went to the same school in Manhattan. He was a year ahead of me, but we had a group of friends in common. It was those friends who set us up on a date, I think it was mid-1999, a year after I graduated. We were 19. It was a disaster.
I was taking a year away from college to "find myself." I had pink hair, and I'm pretty sure I was wearing a homemade dress. He was a young hot shot, working at a Wall Street firm right out of high school. Unfortunately, this bare description of our differences really says it all. We said goodnight pleasantly, but early.
I went back to college, got my bachelors degree, went to law school, got my J.D. I let my hair grow out, and chose a more conventional dark blonde. In the meantime, 9/11 happened, and Adam lost a number of colleagues in the attack on the World Trade Center. He joined the New York National Guard a short time later, as an enlisted. He finished his undergraduate degree, and then did his officer training. By the time I met Adam again, he had already been through one deployment in Afghanistan.
We became Facebook friends during his deployment. We still had our mutual friends, and Facebook is ideal for reconnecting you with people on the periphery of your social circle, your past, or both. He says that he particularly enjoyed my descriptions of the eight-course Thanksgiving feast I cooked for my family.
What can I say? We started hanging out when he got back, it's hard to know exactly when it turned into dating. It's funny and sad how superficial and ideological differences can keep people apart. I've probably been more guilty than most when it comes to letting ideology determine who I'm friends with. I'm glad we both grew enough to get past those differences, I'm just sorry now that it took ten years.
I don't remember our first meeting, we went to the same school in Manhattan. He was a year ahead of me, but we had a group of friends in common. It was those friends who set us up on a date, I think it was mid-1999, a year after I graduated. We were 19. It was a disaster.
I was taking a year away from college to "find myself." I had pink hair, and I'm pretty sure I was wearing a homemade dress. He was a young hot shot, working at a Wall Street firm right out of high school. Unfortunately, this bare description of our differences really says it all. We said goodnight pleasantly, but early.
I went back to college, got my bachelors degree, went to law school, got my J.D. I let my hair grow out, and chose a more conventional dark blonde. In the meantime, 9/11 happened, and Adam lost a number of colleagues in the attack on the World Trade Center. He joined the New York National Guard a short time later, as an enlisted. He finished his undergraduate degree, and then did his officer training. By the time I met Adam again, he had already been through one deployment in Afghanistan.
We became Facebook friends during his deployment. We still had our mutual friends, and Facebook is ideal for reconnecting you with people on the periphery of your social circle, your past, or both. He says that he particularly enjoyed my descriptions of the eight-course Thanksgiving feast I cooked for my family.
What can I say? We started hanging out when he got back, it's hard to know exactly when it turned into dating. It's funny and sad how superficial and ideological differences can keep people apart. I've probably been more guilty than most when it comes to letting ideology determine who I'm friends with. I'm glad we both grew enough to get past those differences, I'm just sorry now that it took ten years.
I hate deployment, but I'm so glad he went
Let me sum up the problem of being the one left behind when a partner deploys: we're sorry they're gone but we're happy they went. Deployment is great for our service members. It's what they signed up for. It is where they earn their promotions, their decorations, their "bona fides." They want to go. It's what it's all about. On the other hand, who wants their baby half a world a way in a war zone?
So, I get it, some wives and girlfriends don't like to hear people say "I'm sorry" when their loved one is deployed. I personally don't mind, because yeah, it's hard, and everyone knows it. I would rather be invited out on a Friday night than hear "I'm sorry," but I'll take it.
When Adam comes home, he has some sexy captain's bars waiting for him, and I'm sure there will be ribbons to add to the ones from his first deployment. Right now he's doing important and interesting work, and is getting job offers hand over fist. I miss him like crazy, but I'm doing alright. We're almost halfway done!
So, I get it, some wives and girlfriends don't like to hear people say "I'm sorry" when their loved one is deployed. I personally don't mind, because yeah, it's hard, and everyone knows it. I would rather be invited out on a Friday night than hear "I'm sorry," but I'll take it.
When Adam comes home, he has some sexy captain's bars waiting for him, and I'm sure there will be ribbons to add to the ones from his first deployment. Right now he's doing important and interesting work, and is getting job offers hand over fist. I miss him like crazy, but I'm doing alright. We're almost halfway done!
Our Story
Adam and I started dating right after his first deployment, when I didn’t know anything about the military. He was on leave and I was unemployed and we started talking, and over a few bottles of wine, discovered that it was too much fun to stop.
Adam is the strong one. Although he says that I am strong, I tend to think that I just know how to “hang in there.” What else can I do? When he left after that first month, for training, I quickly followed him for many extended visits. He would wake up before 5 am to start PT, and I would be left with all the pillows for an hour, until he returned for a quick nap before going back to the base. He would pull me close and fall asleep quickly and deeply.
I loved his off-post housing there, a sunny new adobe style with high ceilings and fresh carpets. While he was gone I watched the morning shows before running errands or cleaning the house. He came back for lunch once and found me on my knees in the kitchen with a brush, trying to remove the dirt that had been ground in by so many pairs of muddy boots tracking in and out of this temporary house. I guess I got carried away with my enthusiasm for this domestic and simple life. He brought me home flowers that night, and that vinyl tile kept its shine for the rest of his stay.
After training he moved to a new city for work, being on inactive status again. Again, I followed for long visits. This time, he was living in an apartment building in a remote corner of town. The apartment was painted mustard yellow and dark olive green, and it was gloomy from being below ground level. The windows were all on one wall, and were directly facing the sidewalk outside. There were only two options regarding the windows: close the shades and live in a dungeon, or open them and become an exhibit at the zoo. The building did not allow dogs, and having to carry a suspicious 25 pound bundle of laundry in and out of the place twice a day was just the last straw.
I was determined that I would stay near him. He was skeptical of moving in together after only 9 months. Some people are cautious about love, I guess. Or money, maybe, since I was still having trouble finding work after a year. I took a room from a woman I found on Craigslist, near where I wanted to live with Adam. Adam decided to buy an apartment in the pretty, old little neighborhood. After three months, my landlady’s mild case of the crazies developed into a full blown wild-eyed lunacy. Adam relented and took me in, dog, unpaid internship, and all.
The whole year, we were waiting for the deployment. We went for hikes, bike rides, we ate in restaurants, we snuggled and watched movies. But the deployment was like a storm in the distance, and the worst part was not knowing when it would arrive. Will he deploy in May? No, maybe spring of next year. September. December. Two years from now, maybe. In March we went to the Caribbean on donated frequent flier miles, a pre-deployment present from my parents. In September, with orders finally in hand, my sister joked that we had already used up our parental generosity, and didn’t get a do-over.
As we counted down the days in November, Adam was a distracted blur of activity. I helped where I could, but when he explained why the clothing he packed had to be cotton, wool, or fire-resistant, I cried. Girlfriends shouldn’t have to think about the knives that are used to cut seatbelts. But he was happy to go, and I was happy that we were finally getting it over with. On the last day I drove him to the airport, dog in the back seat. We stopped at Chili’s for dinner. Out of all the mid-price chain restaurants you find near an airport, he knows I like Chili’s the best (after Texas Roadhouse, but those are rare). That’s Adam though. He’s about to leave the country, go off to fight a war, and here we are at my favorite restaurant.
With Adam gone, it’s quiet and lonely. Without him around, I don’t clean the house very much. December was easy, with people swirling around, two sets of holidays to celebrate, family to visit. January was hard; cold and snowy, and long. Adam is busy over there, and he doesn’t always have time or the ability to write long letters or even short ones. Phone calls are few, but when he does call, he always tries to make me laugh. February is the shortest month. Soon it will start to get warm again. For now, the dog snuggles with me on the couch.
I’ve found that being just a little bit selfish helps. I don’t want to carry the weight of my imagination about what he’s going through. Thinking about him being tired, uncomfortable, worried, or in danger, it doesn’t help anything. I’m helping him by taking care of myself, so he doesn’t have to worry about me. I take myself out to restaurants, movies, and soon, when it warms up, I will take the dog out for hikes. We’re waiting for Adam to come home, but we’re hanging in there.
Hello world
Welcome to "No Reservations," my new deployment blog. My name is Kate, Kates, Katydid, Pumpkin, Babela, and, if you want to hire me, Katherine. You can call me Kate.
I started this blog because I was enjoying so many others. Also, my boyfriend Adam (he wouldn't like me to disclose what he lets me call him) is currently deployed to Afghanistan. I will try not to whine about it.
I chose the title "No Reservations" because 1) I'm kind of a "do it if it feels right and worry about it later" kind of girl, 2) I loooove eating in restaurants, and 3) it's a really bad attempt at play on the fact that Adam is in the Army Reserve.
So, welcome!
I started this blog because I was enjoying so many others. Also, my boyfriend Adam (he wouldn't like me to disclose what he lets me call him) is currently deployed to Afghanistan. I will try not to whine about it.
I chose the title "No Reservations" because 1) I'm kind of a "do it if it feels right and worry about it later" kind of girl, 2) I loooove eating in restaurants, and 3) it's a really bad attempt at play on the fact that Adam is in the Army Reserve.
So, welcome!
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