Ah Saturday night, we meet again. Friday night is easy, I sometimes go to synagogue, last night I took myself out for dinner at the movies (one local theater serves panini) and then to a jazz club. Two glasses of champagne and I was home just after midnight. For some reason, Saturday night is harder.
I suppose if I was motivated, I could clean the house. I've realllly let it slide with Adam gone. I guess, depending on what your personal standards are. I have a thing about dirt versus mess, so I don't leave dirty dishes around, and I've kept up with vacuuming and wiping out sinks and counters and such. But I've let the papers pile up, and one bed is being used exclusively used for laundry (that is, the laundry that's not on the floor). Adam has a higher standard than I do, but mostly I just work harder at it when he's here because I know it's important to him. Buuuut... the only thing less appealing than sitting around watching TV on a Saturday night is folding laundry or sorting papers.
Next plan... I have got to get a life!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Onward, Upward, Thruward, et cetera
Sorry for my absence. No, I'm not already losing interest in blogging. My computer cord was accidentally jettisoned on my vacation travels. Which is fine, because I'm done being grumpy, I spared you a few days of whining. Spring is back, and even though the big problems I was thinking about last week are still around, they don't have me quite as paralyzed. Instead, I'm thinking about fun activities for the spring and summer.
First, I definitely want to get back into sailing. I took a basic keelboating class last year, and it's always been a dream to someday to cruise a sailboat around the Mediterranean and around the Caribbean. In order to do that, I have to get more experience. I have no problem with my sea legs, although when I did my two-day class I had a few days of "mal de debarquement" or "land sickness" afterward. It's very interesting to me that I seem to acclimate more easily to being on a boat than to being back on dry land. I hope as I do more sailing I can train my brain to more quickly acclimate between sea and land.
I'm also thinking about hiking and maybe even camping I can do with Max before Adam comes home. Maybe bike the Skyline Drive in Shenandoah. There are bluegrass concerts to go to, rivers to swim in, and new things to learn. I'm back on a positive note, and hoping I can hold it there until Adam comes back to go on these adventures with me.
First, I definitely want to get back into sailing. I took a basic keelboating class last year, and it's always been a dream to someday to cruise a sailboat around the Mediterranean and around the Caribbean. In order to do that, I have to get more experience. I have no problem with my sea legs, although when I did my two-day class I had a few days of "mal de debarquement" or "land sickness" afterward. It's very interesting to me that I seem to acclimate more easily to being on a boat than to being back on dry land. I hope as I do more sailing I can train my brain to more quickly acclimate between sea and land.
I'm also thinking about hiking and maybe even camping I can do with Max before Adam comes home. Maybe bike the Skyline Drive in Shenandoah. There are bluegrass concerts to go to, rivers to swim in, and new things to learn. I'm back on a positive note, and hoping I can hold it there until Adam comes back to go on these adventures with me.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Troubles
I've had several good ideas for blog posts over the last several days while I've been visiting my family, unfortunately I didn't write any of them down so now they are lost. I had one idea for writing an article on how annoyed I get when intelligent seeming 30-somethings misuse words or commit malaproprisms on the internet. It drives me half up a wall to read "there" for "they're" or "their". The confusion of "cite," "site," and "sight" also gets me worked up. I'm not saying that I'm immune. I know I am horrible about placing punctuation, and have been told that I often dangle participles and write in the passive voice. So, okay, I'm not much of a grammarian, and therefore I had better not write an entire post about it. My glass house is too fragile for that. (But notice the use of "too" instead of "to," isn't it nice looking?)
I could write about the trip, which was fun. But I was a bit grumpy being the only "single" person other than my 16 month old niece. I had to sleep in the "leftover" bedroom, since all the couples wanted the rooms with double beds. But I have to put it in perspective; that truly is a "first world problem."
All in all, every post I can think of to write right now is going to come across as grumpy. I am fairly unhappy about the state of the world right now, I guess. Global warming and other environmental problems are keeping me up nights. NPR, my most beloved form of news and entertainment is under financial assault, along with just about every government supported program, organization, or regulation that I consider of vital importance to this country. (Of course, this was the point of the Bush tax cuts from the beginning, remember that phrase "starve the beast"? While they try to defund NPR, Planned Parenthood, the EPA, OSHA, the Forest Service, public education, etc., they still won't repeal the tax cuts for millionaires.) The entire Middle East is overthrowing their respective governments, it seems, and who knows what will come of that. Everything just seems terribly dangerous right now, and the people who seem to be the most effective at promoting change are the ones trying to tear things down. No one trying to rebuild seems to be having a lot of success. Other nations are running ahead of us with clear goals, while we cannot seem to even agree on history, let alone where to take our country in the future. Just sad, sad, sad.
I could write about the trip, which was fun. But I was a bit grumpy being the only "single" person other than my 16 month old niece. I had to sleep in the "leftover" bedroom, since all the couples wanted the rooms with double beds. But I have to put it in perspective; that truly is a "first world problem."
All in all, every post I can think of to write right now is going to come across as grumpy. I am fairly unhappy about the state of the world right now, I guess. Global warming and other environmental problems are keeping me up nights. NPR, my most beloved form of news and entertainment is under financial assault, along with just about every government supported program, organization, or regulation that I consider of vital importance to this country. (Of course, this was the point of the Bush tax cuts from the beginning, remember that phrase "starve the beast"? While they try to defund NPR, Planned Parenthood, the EPA, OSHA, the Forest Service, public education, etc., they still won't repeal the tax cuts for millionaires.) The entire Middle East is overthrowing their respective governments, it seems, and who knows what will come of that. Everything just seems terribly dangerous right now, and the people who seem to be the most effective at promoting change are the ones trying to tear things down. No one trying to rebuild seems to be having a lot of success. Other nations are running ahead of us with clear goals, while we cannot seem to even agree on history, let alone where to take our country in the future. Just sad, sad, sad.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Movies
I want to want to go to the movies, I just don't. The movie theater nearby plays only the worst, most commercial films. They didn't play Black Swan, they didn't play the King's Speech, but they do have the new Justin Beiber movie. Ugh...
Netflix streaming has some pretty good movies, so I've been enjoying a lot of those, especially classics from the '40s and '50s... I love the clothes, and ooooh the hair. Everything is just so human... not only the lack of electronic clutter, but the relationships. I love the relative lack of snark and cynicism. Katherine Hepburn has a biting wit, but it's just so clever, and does not have that reflexive, shallow meanness of so much "wit" these days.
I'm not trying to say that I would always rather watch these old movies. There are plenty of new movies (even ones chock full of technology and shallow meanness) that I enjoy. It's just a refreshing change, and Netflix streaming doesn't have a lot of the choicest new movies.
Army Strong
I got flowers from Adam today! Well... not really from Adam. I went over to a friend's house for dinner, and her husband (who is Adam's friend) brought me flowers and chocolate from Adam. Good enough for government work, as they say. I was pretty happy.
It's good to get out of the house. Now that it's warming up a little I want to be outside with the dogs more. Benji, the foster dog, has been driving me a little crazy lately with misbehavior. My family seems to be worried about me fostering, concerned that I'll get attached and want to keep him. I'll tell you what, it's not looking likely tonight. Max was on the couch chewing on a pressed rawhide bone and Benji came up and growled at Max until I took the treat and put it on a high shelf (to prevent a fight), and then Benji sat and cried under the shelf until my head was pounding and I gave in and gave him the bone. I'm such a wimp!
I've been unimpressed with my own strength in other ways lately. Caving in to these winter blues. Whining about deployment. Spending time wallowing in a funk instead of working on job applications, cleaning the house, cooking, or going to the gym. Okay, I've been doing all of those things, but just enough to get by. I need a dose of military discipline around here! I'm gonna have to give it to myself tomorrow, though. Tonight I just need some Excedrin and an early bedtime.
~*~
postscript. I just Googled the phrase "good enough for government work" and discovered that the original meaning was "of a very high quality, passing stringent standards" although the current usage is "barely passing, close enough." Very interesting! I think it shows more about the creep of irony and cynicism than any changes in actual governance, but who knows.
It's good to get out of the house. Now that it's warming up a little I want to be outside with the dogs more. Benji, the foster dog, has been driving me a little crazy lately with misbehavior. My family seems to be worried about me fostering, concerned that I'll get attached and want to keep him. I'll tell you what, it's not looking likely tonight. Max was on the couch chewing on a pressed rawhide bone and Benji came up and growled at Max until I took the treat and put it on a high shelf (to prevent a fight), and then Benji sat and cried under the shelf until my head was pounding and I gave in and gave him the bone. I'm such a wimp!
I've been unimpressed with my own strength in other ways lately. Caving in to these winter blues. Whining about deployment. Spending time wallowing in a funk instead of working on job applications, cleaning the house, cooking, or going to the gym. Okay, I've been doing all of those things, but just enough to get by. I need a dose of military discipline around here! I'm gonna have to give it to myself tomorrow, though. Tonight I just need some Excedrin and an early bedtime.
~*~
postscript. I just Googled the phrase "good enough for government work" and discovered that the original meaning was "of a very high quality, passing stringent standards" although the current usage is "barely passing, close enough." Very interesting! I think it shows more about the creep of irony and cynicism than any changes in actual governance, but who knows.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Ideology
Today I read an article titled "News Flash: The Taliban Violate Human Rights," about how the international human rights community has, for the past ten years, pretty much ignored the many acts of torture and murder and maiming and oppression committed by the Taliban, instead usually focusing its condemnation on US and NATO actions. It really got me thinking about things.
I'm a fairly liberal person. I believe in the existence of a social safety net (including strong public schools), and I believe that the government should have hand in regulating the marketplace for the benefit of the citizens (minimum wage, child labor laws, environmental laws). I support abortion rights and gay rights such as marriage and military service. I would like to see a single payer health care system in the US. On the other hand, I find a lot of liberals to be just as ridiculous as Sarah Palin or Glen Beck. They can't see past their own ideology any more than conservatives can, and can be just as sheep like.
Let's take Wikileaks. Sure... information wants to be free! Government secrecy is always bad! Nevermind how many American allies and their families in Afghanistan will be uncovered and murdered (the Taliban doesn't really do that, anyway). Nevermind how many Americans had to die to collect that strategic intelligence, now worthless (shouldn't have joined the military, bro). Nevermind any of the delicate work done by the State Department in navigating international diplomacy, or whether our standing in the world will be diminished by disinclination of foreign states to expose themselves by speaking freely to us (the U.S. should lose its standing anyway, because what did American hegemony ever do to improve human rights and security around the world? Pax Americana? Is that a new restaurant?). I'm all for whistleblowing. Whistleblowing is an important mechanism that allows our systems to regulate themselves from within. But Wikileaks discloses far too much information far too broadly with far too little justification for the disclosures.
For this, and for all of my moderation, I am regarded as fairly neo-Conservative by many of the liberals that I know. That pisses me off. You really can't see the difference between me and someone who wants to abolish the federal government and privatize ownership of the sun, moon, and sky? Doesn't that further undermine credibility in how accurately you are interpreting the world?
So why did it take this loose organization of international aid workers ten years to realize that the Taliban was committing by far the larger number of human rights violations in Afghanistan? Analysis of that type of institutional bias could probably fill a novel. We've been in Afghanistan for ten years, spent billions of dollars, and lost thousands of American lives trying to win a counterinsurgency by winning hearts and minds. Maybe if the aid community spent more time helping the U.S. military help the Afghan people, and less time spouting condemnation from Kabul, things would move a little faster.
I'm a fairly liberal person. I believe in the existence of a social safety net (including strong public schools), and I believe that the government should have hand in regulating the marketplace for the benefit of the citizens (minimum wage, child labor laws, environmental laws). I support abortion rights and gay rights such as marriage and military service. I would like to see a single payer health care system in the US. On the other hand, I find a lot of liberals to be just as ridiculous as Sarah Palin or Glen Beck. They can't see past their own ideology any more than conservatives can, and can be just as sheep like.
Let's take Wikileaks. Sure... information wants to be free! Government secrecy is always bad! Nevermind how many American allies and their families in Afghanistan will be uncovered and murdered (the Taliban doesn't really do that, anyway). Nevermind how many Americans had to die to collect that strategic intelligence, now worthless (shouldn't have joined the military, bro). Nevermind any of the delicate work done by the State Department in navigating international diplomacy, or whether our standing in the world will be diminished by disinclination of foreign states to expose themselves by speaking freely to us (the U.S. should lose its standing anyway, because what did American hegemony ever do to improve human rights and security around the world? Pax Americana? Is that a new restaurant?). I'm all for whistleblowing. Whistleblowing is an important mechanism that allows our systems to regulate themselves from within. But Wikileaks discloses far too much information far too broadly with far too little justification for the disclosures.
For this, and for all of my moderation, I am regarded as fairly neo-Conservative by many of the liberals that I know. That pisses me off. You really can't see the difference between me and someone who wants to abolish the federal government and privatize ownership of the sun, moon, and sky? Doesn't that further undermine credibility in how accurately you are interpreting the world?
So why did it take this loose organization of international aid workers ten years to realize that the Taliban was committing by far the larger number of human rights violations in Afghanistan? Analysis of that type of institutional bias could probably fill a novel. We've been in Afghanistan for ten years, spent billions of dollars, and lost thousands of American lives trying to win a counterinsurgency by winning hearts and minds. Maybe if the aid community spent more time helping the U.S. military help the Afghan people, and less time spouting condemnation from Kabul, things would move a little faster.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
the Postal Service
Soundtrack: Such Great Heights
~*~
I got a phone call this morning. It wasn't very long, but I'm so whipped by deployment I'm just happy for any calls I get. He hasn't gotten my Valentine's Day present yet, which is annoying, since I sent it two weeks ago. Ah, there is no accounting for the postal service (the Postal Service is a great band, btw). I'm also nervous about the package I sent a few days ago. Adam loves pickles, so I put a jar of pickles in a thick ziploc bag, which I then put inside a thick SmartWool sock, and packed it in the care package. But since I mailed it I've been worried about the jar breaking and leaking pickle juice all over... everything. I'm issuing a prayerful plea to the postal djinn to let this glass jar pass unharmed! I think I will send the next package relatively soon, in case the jar does break and some of the treats are ruined.
I'm watching Pirates of the Caribbean (Curse of the Black Pearl). It is not alleviating my fantasies of a tropical escape, especially the part where Jack and Elizabeth are put ashore on the desert isle with the only the rum (yo ho)! But today was a good day, which does reduce the urge to flee somewhat. I made it to my favorite brunch restaurant in time to hear some of the bluegrass band play, and they had added delicious Belgian waffles to their menu. I went to the gym for an hour, after putting it off for too long. It was also warm today, which was soooo nice. The dogs and I went for a long walk, and I picked up a full shopping bag's worth of trash from along the path. I was sick at seeing so much trash every time I took the dogs out, so I took the initiative and made a big dent. Okay, not my favorite activity, but like the gym, I felt great afterwards. All in all, a good day.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Date Night!
Oh Saturday night, you are my adversary. Sure, I've had a few nights out with the ladies. Last weekend, for example, was 80s night!
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| 80s night! |
Speaking of Valentine's Day, I'm having fantasies that the Army will let Adam come home and surprise me. How fabulous would that be? I usually prefer the authentic, simple, and spontaneous gesture of romance, but that would be a-mazing. Never gonna happen. I have a problem with this type of fantasy though. The improbability makes it more fun and delicious to imagine, although the imagining can only lead to feelings of disappointment.
No, it's the Friday and Saturday nights that are making me blue, not Valentine's Day. Next week will be easy, as I'm going on a ski vacation with my family. Other than that, I welcome suggestions! I have to say, if I was single and bored and lonely, I'd be at the pub in a minute, or out dancing. But I'm not single, I'm just alone. I don't want to get hit on, I'd just like to go out and be social. Something to get dressed for!
Did I really promise not to whine? Hmm... technically I said I would try not to whine. I'm going to give myself a pass on this one though. Saturday night before Valentine's Day? I've earned this one!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Travel
I've been thinking about going to Puerto Rico this spring to get away from all this miserable winter weather and distract me from missing Adam. I sent an email to five of my female friends and relatives trying to find out whether anyone will come with me. I love Puerto Rico, I've been four times. It's the only Caribbean island I've been to, in fact. That made me think. I love this place, but shouldn't there be other places that I explore? Puerto Rico is probably the easiest Caribbean island, with direct flights from Eastern US cities, no currency exchange, no passports required, and little to no language barrier. It has great beaches, great food, lovely people, history, nature, and chirping coqui frogs! But it wouldn't be that much harder to go to the Dominican Republic, or Belize, or Iceland. Maybe it's love, but I'm using valuable vacation resources (time and money) going to the same place over and over.
I was hoping that when Adam gets back from deployment he might look for a job that would allow us both to live overseas for a few years. I've moved around a lot in the last 12 years (7 different states), and I loved exploring and immersing myself in new places. If I could choose where to live for the next 10 years without having to think about the logistics I would want to spend a few years overseas (Europe>Asia>South America>Africa>Middle East), then a few years someplace blissful and tropical (Hawaii maybe?) before settling down somewhere in the southwestern U.S. (anywhere except Phoenix).
Unnnnfortunately, life does not work that way. We pick the careers first, and that dictates where we get to go. That probably means staying where we are, for both Adam and myself. There are probably good things that come from living in one place for more than a couple of years. We can make friends and keep them. If we get married and have children, stability will help them develop and feel secure. The city where we live is not as "outdoorsy" as my dream town, nor is it as laid back as would suit me best. Not a lot of joie de vivre. But it has other things to compensate, such as culture, sophistication, and many interesting people who are the crème de la crème of their professional fields.
Since I've been "an adult" I have moved between states at least every couple years, except during college (4 years in one state, but 4 different apartments) and law school (3 years in in one state, but 3 different apartments). But I also go to the same handful of places every single vacation. I suppose I can learn to do it the other way around.
I was hoping that when Adam gets back from deployment he might look for a job that would allow us both to live overseas for a few years. I've moved around a lot in the last 12 years (7 different states), and I loved exploring and immersing myself in new places. If I could choose where to live for the next 10 years without having to think about the logistics I would want to spend a few years overseas (Europe>Asia>South America>Africa>Middle East), then a few years someplace blissful and tropical (Hawaii maybe?) before settling down somewhere in the southwestern U.S. (anywhere except Phoenix).
Unnnnfortunately, life does not work that way. We pick the careers first, and that dictates where we get to go. That probably means staying where we are, for both Adam and myself. There are probably good things that come from living in one place for more than a couple of years. We can make friends and keep them. If we get married and have children, stability will help them develop and feel secure. The city where we live is not as "outdoorsy" as my dream town, nor is it as laid back as would suit me best. Not a lot of joie de vivre. But it has other things to compensate, such as culture, sophistication, and many interesting people who are the crème de la crème of their professional fields.
Since I've been "an adult" I have moved between states at least every couple years, except during college (4 years in one state, but 4 different apartments) and law school (3 years in in one state, but 3 different apartments). But I also go to the same handful of places every single vacation. I suppose I can learn to do it the other way around.
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| Santorini, Greece |
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| A beach in Thailand |
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Meet Max
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| Max at four months, Oct. '06 |
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| Enjoying sunny Colorado |
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| Hangin' with Shadow (best friends) |
We think that Max might be a Cava-Shell, which is the fancy way of saying a mutt whose parents were a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and a Shetland Sheepdog. I adopted him at two months old from the North Shore Animal League in Long Island. I almost adopted a different dog, but I just had an unsettled feeling so I stopped to think about it. When I turned around, there was Max. Even though he was sleeping, I knew he was the One. I still think God made Max just for me, although I don't know what I did to earn it. He is by far, the Best Dog Ever.
Max loves to sleep on the backs of couches, with his feet sometimes dangling on either side. He loves fetching balls, swimming, and playing with the big dogs. He loves to catch snowballs and water from hoses. He is an extremely "kissy" dog. His best friend is Shadow, my parent's Golden Retriever, who wrestles with him until she gets tired and he stands on her head.
We're thinking of adopting a sibling for Max, so he's not lonely when we're off at work. But now that I'm fostering a dog, I'm realizing that two dogs really is a lot harder than one, if only because there is twice as much dog hair everywhere. We could take the fur off of my comforter and make a third dog. I still think we might do it, but it has to feel right. I'm so glad I followed my instincts that day at the shelter.
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| Sleeping after playing in the snow |
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| Afternoon sunbathing |
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| Max in camo while Adam makes breakfast |
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Communication, or lack thereof
Hands down, the most difficult part of deployment for me is the three or four days I go between every email, the weeks between phone calls, and the Skyping... never. We had gmail chat for a few blissful weeks, but now that's gone too.
The physical separation is just nothing compared to the separation you feel when all you want to do is snuggle up on the phone with him for an hour every night, and all he's able to give is... well, much less than that.
I know from reading other deployment posts around the web that not every deployment is the same in this respect. Some women report (even though there are plenty of men left on the home front they aren't representing on the web) getting phone calls every other day and being allowed to Skype. But the bases our men are operating from are different in operations, regulations, and available facilities. Our guys are doing different jobs. Even the locations of those posts probably influence how much time he can spend chatting with us. I know Adam is working extremely hard, and if I had to choose between him getting enough sleep and calling me for some emotional reassurance, I would want him to choose sleep. He has to take care of himself first, so he can be at his best, so he can come home safely, and then we can take care of each other.
So I promised at the beginning I would try not to whine, and this sounds like a whine. Maybe I can redeem myself with a moral. At least we're not fighting, because we haven't been through a deployment fight yet and I've heard that they are bad news. So for the moral, let's use the old rule of quality over quantity, and being thankful for what we've got, including a wonderful man that I want to talk to in the first place.
The physical separation is just nothing compared to the separation you feel when all you want to do is snuggle up on the phone with him for an hour every night, and all he's able to give is... well, much less than that.
I know from reading other deployment posts around the web that not every deployment is the same in this respect. Some women report (even though there are plenty of men left on the home front they aren't representing on the web) getting phone calls every other day and being allowed to Skype. But the bases our men are operating from are different in operations, regulations, and available facilities. Our guys are doing different jobs. Even the locations of those posts probably influence how much time he can spend chatting with us. I know Adam is working extremely hard, and if I had to choose between him getting enough sleep and calling me for some emotional reassurance, I would want him to choose sleep. He has to take care of himself first, so he can be at his best, so he can come home safely, and then we can take care of each other.
So I promised at the beginning I would try not to whine, and this sounds like a whine. Maybe I can redeem myself with a moral. At least we're not fighting, because we haven't been through a deployment fight yet and I've heard that they are bad news. So for the moral, let's use the old rule of quality over quantity, and being thankful for what we've got, including a wonderful man that I want to talk to in the first place.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Second Time's the Charm
Adam and I started a relationship ten years after our first date.
I don't remember our first meeting, we went to the same school in Manhattan. He was a year ahead of me, but we had a group of friends in common. It was those friends who set us up on a date, I think it was mid-1999, a year after I graduated. We were 19. It was a disaster.
I was taking a year away from college to "find myself." I had pink hair, and I'm pretty sure I was wearing a homemade dress. He was a young hot shot, working at a Wall Street firm right out of high school. Unfortunately, this bare description of our differences really says it all. We said goodnight pleasantly, but early.
I went back to college, got my bachelors degree, went to law school, got my J.D. I let my hair grow out, and chose a more conventional dark blonde. In the meantime, 9/11 happened, and Adam lost a number of colleagues in the attack on the World Trade Center. He joined the New York National Guard a short time later, as an enlisted. He finished his undergraduate degree, and then did his officer training. By the time I met Adam again, he had already been through one deployment in Afghanistan.
We became Facebook friends during his deployment. We still had our mutual friends, and Facebook is ideal for reconnecting you with people on the periphery of your social circle, your past, or both. He says that he particularly enjoyed my descriptions of the eight-course Thanksgiving feast I cooked for my family.
What can I say? We started hanging out when he got back, it's hard to know exactly when it turned into dating. It's funny and sad how superficial and ideological differences can keep people apart. I've probably been more guilty than most when it comes to letting ideology determine who I'm friends with. I'm glad we both grew enough to get past those differences, I'm just sorry now that it took ten years.
I don't remember our first meeting, we went to the same school in Manhattan. He was a year ahead of me, but we had a group of friends in common. It was those friends who set us up on a date, I think it was mid-1999, a year after I graduated. We were 19. It was a disaster.
I was taking a year away from college to "find myself." I had pink hair, and I'm pretty sure I was wearing a homemade dress. He was a young hot shot, working at a Wall Street firm right out of high school. Unfortunately, this bare description of our differences really says it all. We said goodnight pleasantly, but early.
I went back to college, got my bachelors degree, went to law school, got my J.D. I let my hair grow out, and chose a more conventional dark blonde. In the meantime, 9/11 happened, and Adam lost a number of colleagues in the attack on the World Trade Center. He joined the New York National Guard a short time later, as an enlisted. He finished his undergraduate degree, and then did his officer training. By the time I met Adam again, he had already been through one deployment in Afghanistan.
We became Facebook friends during his deployment. We still had our mutual friends, and Facebook is ideal for reconnecting you with people on the periphery of your social circle, your past, or both. He says that he particularly enjoyed my descriptions of the eight-course Thanksgiving feast I cooked for my family.
What can I say? We started hanging out when he got back, it's hard to know exactly when it turned into dating. It's funny and sad how superficial and ideological differences can keep people apart. I've probably been more guilty than most when it comes to letting ideology determine who I'm friends with. I'm glad we both grew enough to get past those differences, I'm just sorry now that it took ten years.
I hate deployment, but I'm so glad he went
Let me sum up the problem of being the one left behind when a partner deploys: we're sorry they're gone but we're happy they went. Deployment is great for our service members. It's what they signed up for. It is where they earn their promotions, their decorations, their "bona fides." They want to go. It's what it's all about. On the other hand, who wants their baby half a world a way in a war zone?
So, I get it, some wives and girlfriends don't like to hear people say "I'm sorry" when their loved one is deployed. I personally don't mind, because yeah, it's hard, and everyone knows it. I would rather be invited out on a Friday night than hear "I'm sorry," but I'll take it.
When Adam comes home, he has some sexy captain's bars waiting for him, and I'm sure there will be ribbons to add to the ones from his first deployment. Right now he's doing important and interesting work, and is getting job offers hand over fist. I miss him like crazy, but I'm doing alright. We're almost halfway done!
So, I get it, some wives and girlfriends don't like to hear people say "I'm sorry" when their loved one is deployed. I personally don't mind, because yeah, it's hard, and everyone knows it. I would rather be invited out on a Friday night than hear "I'm sorry," but I'll take it.
When Adam comes home, he has some sexy captain's bars waiting for him, and I'm sure there will be ribbons to add to the ones from his first deployment. Right now he's doing important and interesting work, and is getting job offers hand over fist. I miss him like crazy, but I'm doing alright. We're almost halfway done!
Our Story
Adam and I started dating right after his first deployment, when I didn’t know anything about the military. He was on leave and I was unemployed and we started talking, and over a few bottles of wine, discovered that it was too much fun to stop.
Adam is the strong one. Although he says that I am strong, I tend to think that I just know how to “hang in there.” What else can I do? When he left after that first month, for training, I quickly followed him for many extended visits. He would wake up before 5 am to start PT, and I would be left with all the pillows for an hour, until he returned for a quick nap before going back to the base. He would pull me close and fall asleep quickly and deeply.
I loved his off-post housing there, a sunny new adobe style with high ceilings and fresh carpets. While he was gone I watched the morning shows before running errands or cleaning the house. He came back for lunch once and found me on my knees in the kitchen with a brush, trying to remove the dirt that had been ground in by so many pairs of muddy boots tracking in and out of this temporary house. I guess I got carried away with my enthusiasm for this domestic and simple life. He brought me home flowers that night, and that vinyl tile kept its shine for the rest of his stay.
After training he moved to a new city for work, being on inactive status again. Again, I followed for long visits. This time, he was living in an apartment building in a remote corner of town. The apartment was painted mustard yellow and dark olive green, and it was gloomy from being below ground level. The windows were all on one wall, and were directly facing the sidewalk outside. There were only two options regarding the windows: close the shades and live in a dungeon, or open them and become an exhibit at the zoo. The building did not allow dogs, and having to carry a suspicious 25 pound bundle of laundry in and out of the place twice a day was just the last straw.
I was determined that I would stay near him. He was skeptical of moving in together after only 9 months. Some people are cautious about love, I guess. Or money, maybe, since I was still having trouble finding work after a year. I took a room from a woman I found on Craigslist, near where I wanted to live with Adam. Adam decided to buy an apartment in the pretty, old little neighborhood. After three months, my landlady’s mild case of the crazies developed into a full blown wild-eyed lunacy. Adam relented and took me in, dog, unpaid internship, and all.
The whole year, we were waiting for the deployment. We went for hikes, bike rides, we ate in restaurants, we snuggled and watched movies. But the deployment was like a storm in the distance, and the worst part was not knowing when it would arrive. Will he deploy in May? No, maybe spring of next year. September. December. Two years from now, maybe. In March we went to the Caribbean on donated frequent flier miles, a pre-deployment present from my parents. In September, with orders finally in hand, my sister joked that we had already used up our parental generosity, and didn’t get a do-over.
As we counted down the days in November, Adam was a distracted blur of activity. I helped where I could, but when he explained why the clothing he packed had to be cotton, wool, or fire-resistant, I cried. Girlfriends shouldn’t have to think about the knives that are used to cut seatbelts. But he was happy to go, and I was happy that we were finally getting it over with. On the last day I drove him to the airport, dog in the back seat. We stopped at Chili’s for dinner. Out of all the mid-price chain restaurants you find near an airport, he knows I like Chili’s the best (after Texas Roadhouse, but those are rare). That’s Adam though. He’s about to leave the country, go off to fight a war, and here we are at my favorite restaurant.
With Adam gone, it’s quiet and lonely. Without him around, I don’t clean the house very much. December was easy, with people swirling around, two sets of holidays to celebrate, family to visit. January was hard; cold and snowy, and long. Adam is busy over there, and he doesn’t always have time or the ability to write long letters or even short ones. Phone calls are few, but when he does call, he always tries to make me laugh. February is the shortest month. Soon it will start to get warm again. For now, the dog snuggles with me on the couch.
I’ve found that being just a little bit selfish helps. I don’t want to carry the weight of my imagination about what he’s going through. Thinking about him being tired, uncomfortable, worried, or in danger, it doesn’t help anything. I’m helping him by taking care of myself, so he doesn’t have to worry about me. I take myself out to restaurants, movies, and soon, when it warms up, I will take the dog out for hikes. We’re waiting for Adam to come home, but we’re hanging in there.
Hello world
Welcome to "No Reservations," my new deployment blog. My name is Kate, Kates, Katydid, Pumpkin, Babela, and, if you want to hire me, Katherine. You can call me Kate.
I started this blog because I was enjoying so many others. Also, my boyfriend Adam (he wouldn't like me to disclose what he lets me call him) is currently deployed to Afghanistan. I will try not to whine about it.
I chose the title "No Reservations" because 1) I'm kind of a "do it if it feels right and worry about it later" kind of girl, 2) I loooove eating in restaurants, and 3) it's a really bad attempt at play on the fact that Adam is in the Army Reserve.
So, welcome!
I started this blog because I was enjoying so many others. Also, my boyfriend Adam (he wouldn't like me to disclose what he lets me call him) is currently deployed to Afghanistan. I will try not to whine about it.
I chose the title "No Reservations" because 1) I'm kind of a "do it if it feels right and worry about it later" kind of girl, 2) I loooove eating in restaurants, and 3) it's a really bad attempt at play on the fact that Adam is in the Army Reserve.
So, welcome!
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